02/04/2008

Six Men Enter...  One Treehugger Leave.

The group got together again for another round of Munchkin after a long hiatus, and the layoff definitely showed as several tactical blunders occurred which served to drag things out even longer.  In the end, though, it was Laskra who scored the victory by being the last one standing when the piddies were exhausted.

Congrats to Laskra, who gets to don the coveted tinfoil crown of the Munchkin Lord!

06/10/2007

Another fast and furious Munchkin session this week, boys and girls.  Sam jumped out to an early lead after a Thief card allowed him to help himself to his competitors' stash of items, but a coordinated assault left him dead and penniless within reach of the finish line.  Gitz, on the other hand, had no luck at all at thievery and spent most of the game stranded at Level 1.  Meanwhile, Irv, following a new strategy this week by playing as a Wizard instead of his usual Cleric, repeatedly charmed and robbed each monster he faced.  This new tactic served him well, as his hand full of loot allowed him to neutralize the Wandering Monster added by Gitz, leaving him in sole possession of the Munchkin Lord title for the week!

04/20/2007

The minions (minus Nob) got together on Tuesday this week, for another rousing game of Munchkin.  Moving away from our more sedate match of last week, the piddies flew fast and furious this week.  Sam was the first target, his meager lead obliterated by a few malicious curses.  Meanwhile, Laskra, having drawn the early Thief from the deck, casually helped himself to everyone else's belongings.  Mem was first to dash for the finish line, but some hoarded piddies derailed first his, then Irv's attempt at victory.  Laskra's ill-gotten gains proved too much, however, and when the smoke cleared, the tree-hugger was left standing.

Congratulations go to Laskra on his first win of the year!

04/17/2007

This update is a bit late, but I owed it to Mem to acknowledge his hard-fought victory last week before we move on to our latest match.

The UF Play Of The Game for the evening, however, belonged to Laskra.  Playing as an elf, Laskra drew a monster that had a bonus against elves.  Faced with a close fight, Laskra decided to abandon his elfly ways, neglecting to note that the monster also had the same bonus against humans, which he had just become.  In addition, as a human, he also lost the use of his Bow with Ribbons, an elf-only item.  As a result, a close match turned into a total rout, and the rest of us got a huge laugh at Laskra's expense.

Congratulations to Mem, our UF Munchkin Lord for the week!

03/15/2007

Greetings, Munchkin fanatics! After a couple weeks off, our cutthroat competitors were back in action last night and it was one of the best matches in recent memory, despite the unfortunate absence of perennial fan-favorite Nob!

Things progressed rapidly right out of the gate with people advancing pretty-much unchallenged during the early going and Irv, the elf, trying to take advantage of his bonus level by weaseling his way into virtually every close match.  It was Mem's generosity, however, that opened the piddie floodgates when his attempt to assist Irv was met by The wandering Wight Brothers who proceeded to slaughter them both.

Shortly thereafter, Laskra went on an orgy of destruction in retaliation for being taunted, hurling curses with wild abandon and obliterating Sam's Magnificent Hat with Annihilation. 

Oddly, however, it wasn't until very late in the game that the first Thief was created when Gitz finally got to aspire to his true calling.  Immediately he began scouting the table for items to pilfer, and it was a vintage Gitz moment when Mem and Sam taunted him into targeting Sam's Boomdagger, the only item in the game that immediately returns to its rightful owner when stolen! A string of bad luck followed, and Gitz rapidly found himself back at 1st Level, although the threatened crime spree never fully materialized.  In fact, even the late-game addition the Kneepads of Allure to Sam's considerable arsenal was strangely unmolested.

Mem was the first to make the play for victory but despite a heroic effort to salvage the win by using his Bard powers to compel Irv's assistance, he was forced to beat a hasty retreat when splattered with the Potion of Cowardice.  Sam's next draw revealed a trivially easy encounter so the Kneepads weren't even necessary as he easily defeated the monster and claimed the Munchkin Lord title for the first time since play resumed!

Tune in again next week for another thrilling Munchkin update!

02/02/2007

Irv added yet another expansion pack to our burgeoning deck of piddies, which has grown to nearly un-shuffle-able proportion.  Still, we persevere! Things proceeded as they generally do, with Irv and Gitz seemingly joining forces from the get-go.  Both shot out to an early lead, as Gimme squandered his few hard-earned levels dismally failing to pilfer the various small items held by the others. 

Midway through, however, both seemed to run into a dearth of monsters and stalled out just shy of the finishing line, while Nob marched relentlessly towards the top of the heap.  His first bold gambit was crushed beneath by the wayward appearance of the Wight Brothers, but Nob miraculously managed to escape unscathed from their lethal grasp.  That was the extent of the resistance, however, and when he drew a lowly monster on his next turn, no piddies remained to thwart his victory.

Thus, Nobu again captures the title of Munchkin Lord and extends his lead over the others!

01/24/2006

After last week's event, we had a "rules refresher" class to refamiliarize ourselves with some of the intricacies that had fallen by the wayside during our long hiatus. As a result, the speed of our match increased dramatically, since a good portion of our usual shenanigans was based on a very liberal interpretation of what was allowed. The surprise of the evening, however, came when Nob utilized the often-overlooked ability of the Orc to win by earning a bonus level after a particularly easy fight.

Unfortunately, due to the speed of our first match, we unwisely decided to commence a second. Round two was more in line with our usual cutthroat natures and we were forced to abort things at 1AM with no clear victor, so Nob gets to retain the crown until next week.

01/17/2007

We had an interesting, albeit painful match tonight as people sought early vengeance for Irv's victory of last week. As a result, it was very slow going early on which gave several players plenty of time to amass rather sizable arsenals of equipment. By the time the endgame arrived, everyone but Samadhi and Gitz had already achieved level 9.

This made for several tense runs as bold gambits for victory were denied by carefully hoarded piddies. Meanwhile, both Sam and Gitz slowly crawled towards the top, unmolested by the others who were saving their ammunition for their peers. The hour had grown quite late, and people were beginning to get cranky when Gitz, buoyed by the sudden acquisition of the unstoppable Kneepads of Allure forcibly coerced Memdahl's assistance and catapulted himself to victory!

Congratulations, Gitz, on a hard fought victory!

01/10/2006

Greetings, Munchkin fans! No play-by-play for last night's match since I very much doubt anybody even bothers to read this tripe.

Irv's Divine Intervention victory does, however, entitle him to mock his fellow players, so I'd be remiss if I didn't allow him his moment of glory. Congratulations, Irv! Next time, you're going down!

10/26/2004

Good morning, Munchkin fans, and welcome to another long-awaited USPN Munchkin update!

There are few things that sports fans love more than an underdog, and our very own Punk certainly qualifies for that title.  Despite his participation in every single Munchkin tournament to date, the hapless ruler of Castle Landfill has never won a single match.  In fact, his perennial failure to achieve victory has relegated him to the status of "Mostly Harmless" and many of our more successful contestants have been understandably reluctant to waste piddies on him, due to his tendency toward stalling out at around Level 7 without any outside intervention.

But no longer.

While Hoser, Gimme, and Irv, the Munchkin circuit's top contenders, spent the better part of the evening engaged in their usual cutthroat play, Punk was quietly amassing his power for a stab at the title.  After finally drawing a Thief card, his true calling, Punk pilfered the mighty Kneepads of Allure from Irv and used them to compel Hoser to assist in combat with a Level 16 Seven Year Lich.  The resulting two level increase, coupled with 4 additional levels from the monster's stash of Phat Lewt tied the existing Munchkin record and catapulted Punk to within striking distance of the title.  Although both Hoser and Gimme had also gained Level 9 and were threatening to win, enough piddies remained to prevent either from victory and two turns later, a Level 6 Platycore was enough to put things away, giving Punk his very first Munchkin victory!

Will his first taste of victory be enough to spur Punk on to greater heights?  Will the triumvirate of Hoser, Gimme, and Irv let this affront go unanswered?  Will we go another appalling 4 months between updates?  There's only one way to find out - stay tuned to USPN!

06/23/2004

Greetings, Munchkin fans and welcome to another semi-regular installment of USPN coverage. It's been quite a while since our last update, so I won't waste anymore of your valuable time!

This week's match saw several noteworthy events including the first ever match at Irv's "Free Beer and Pizza Hacienda", although any lawyers planning on attending future matches should be aware of the $9.95 cover charge. We also had 5 intrepid Munchkins in residence once again, making for yet another cutthroat event. The backstabbing was held in reserve, however, for a while and everyone rocketed towards level 10 before the piddies started to fly.

Irv was the first to make his lunge for the finish line, despite the knowledge that the first one to try and sieze victory was generally nuked into oblivion by his friends, and this was no exception. Gimme's attempt ended in disaster as back-to-back curses resulted in the loss of several quality items, followed by death. A fine display of strategery catapulted Hoser to Level 9, but the deck suddenly displayed a dearth of monsters and he was stranded there while Laskra and Irv dueled for the title. Indeed, it seemed like Irv had the win wrapped up, as the piddy supplies were depleted, but Laskra's brilliant play of a Steal a Level card snatched the victory from Irv's grasp. His own piddies exhausted, Irv was unable to return the favor, so Laskra finally breaks the longest losing streak in Munchkin history and earns the coveted Munchkin Lord title!

Congratulations, Laskra, on a hard-fought victory. Until next time, I'm Jes Bitter for USPN.

05/30/2004

From beautiful, downtown Landfill, it's another edition of USPN's Munchkin play-by-play coverage.  We were hoping to have a slightly different presentation for you this week, but due to technical difficulties, that upgrade has been delayed.  So, let's get down to business!

It was another week of exciting Munchkin action, despite the absence of crowd-favorite Hoser, and our intrepid Munchkins were eager to exploit his absence in their pursuit of the famed Munchkin Lord title.  Early on, things looked good for reigning champion Gimme, but an unfortunate encounter with the Generosity Curse derailed his meteoric rise, and even the late-game pilferage of the Kneepads of Allure wasn't enough to put him back within range of the leaders.

The rest of the Munchkins, however, were in a hotly-contested race for the finish line and it appeared that Irv was poised for victory.  Unfortunately, however, since he was the first of our intrepid players to make his move, he immediately bore the brunt of the combined wrath of the others and was unable to stage another attack.  In addition, his team of volatile gnome lawyers have filed an official protest with the Rules Committee over an on-field ruling that allowed Mem to use the Help Me Out Here card to liberate Irv's Kneepads of Allure and compel him to assist with a formerly-unwinnable combat.  More details on this dispute as they become available.

Punk was the next to try and sieze victory, but he was denied by Irv, whose Polymorph Potion nerfed the combat before it had begun.  This, however, gave Mem the opportunity for which he had been waiting, as he picked a fight with a Level 1 Potted Plant.  His gamble paid off as the other players' remaining piddies were no match for his magic arsenal and so Mem earns the coveted Munchkin Lord title with his first victory on the Munchkin circuit!

That's all for this week.  Be certain to tune in again next week for more Munchkin action and, hopefully, the unveling of a brand new look.  For USPN, I'm Jes Bitter.

05/23/2004

Greetings, fans of mayhem, carnage, and backstabbing, and welcome to another edition of USPN Munchkin coverage.  Play on the Munchkin circuit has been getting more and more exciting over the past few weeks, so let's get right down to it!

This week's play started out a bit slow, but picked up rapidly as people have finally gotten the hang of the recent expansion.  There are still several miscues each match, but they're becoming less and less important to the outcome as the players improve and the odds of one of our intrepid Munchkins missing an opportunity have dropped dramatically.  This, however, doesn't necessarily apply to relative newcomer Mem and he provided the first real amusement of the night as he declared himself a "2nd Level Orc Bard with an 11 Foot Pole".  Needless to say, the laughs could barely be heard over the cheesy 70's porn soundtrack.  Play continued from there, and everyone remained on a relatively equal footing all the way to the very end, despite Gimme attracting curses like a donut shop attracts cops.  The Hungry Backpack is particularly nasty when combined with the Chicken on Your Head, for instance, and the addition of Necrophobia and Small Hands on top of that is just overkill.  Or so one would think.

In actuality, though, while Gimme appeared to be the minor threat, he capitalized as the others spent their piddies trying to keep each other from gaining that critical final level.  Once again, the Friendly card was played in an attempt to short-circuit the final combat, but Gimme decided to fight anyway and a couple lucky die rolls kept him on top, earning him the coveted Munchkin Lord title for the week.

We're hoping to try something a bit new for next week's update, so be certain to check back with us for more thrilling USPN Munchkin coverage!

05/16/2004

Greetings, Munchkin fans, and welcome to yet another edition of USPN's weekly Munchkin coverage!  Due the extreme drunkenness and near-fatal exhaustion of our ace reporter, today's wrap-up will be disappointingly but unavoidably brief:

It was a very close match, but Hoser won and reclaims his place atop the Munchkin leaderboard.

There you have it, folks.  Monday's match has been postponed until Thursday, May 20th, so check back on Friday for another, hopefully less pathetic, play-by-play!

04/27/2004

Another week, another brutal USPN Munchkin slugfest.

Our 5 Munchkins waged a bloody war to the bitter end last night as we finally got the opportunity to fully experience the new Clerical Errors expansion.  It was slow going at first as nearly everyone had an inopportune encounter with a nasty critter in the opening rounds, but this was balanced later on by the fortuitous appearance of several low-level nasties.  Towards the end of the match, 4 of 5 players had achieved Level 9 and each only needed that one lucky break to sieze victory.  As is usually the case with this crowd, however, that victory is ever elusive and the game made two torturous circuits of the players before the victor was eventually crowned.  Additionally, the late-game appearance of the Kneepads of Allure wrought havoc on the players as the unwilling helpers slashed and burned their considerable stashes of equipment to avoid handing victory to the Kneepads' owners.

Finally, though, in the last round of play, Hoser was the first to have his claim nullified when his Level 2 Stick Figure, a fight he chose deliberately, was the unlucky target of a Polymorph potion, robbing Hoser of his final level.  Punk, ever hapless, was unable to draw a monster and was forced to hope, fruitlessly, for yet another round.  Laskra was the next, when Gimme's Potion of Transferral stole Laskra's critter, but Gimme was ultimately denied by vindictive piddies.  On his next turn, Gimme was fortunate enough to draw a Level 2 Gelatinous Octahedron, opening the door (pun intended) for his grab at the brass ring. Laskra countered with a well-timed Friendly card, but Gimme chose to fight anyway and a pair of obscenely lucky dice rolls prevented the critter from inflating to gargantuan proportions.  With the piddy stocks spent, there was nothing more anyone could do to stop him, so Gimme secured a hard-fought victory as well as Munchkin bragging rights for another week!

Be sure to stop back again next week for the next installment of thrilling Munchkin play!

04/13/2004

After a long hiatus, we're back with the UF Semi-Irregular Munchkin update!

As if in response to the growing consensus of staleness, Irv upended the status quo by adding the 112 new cards of the Clerical Errors expansion into the mix. Sadly, a tragic shuffling mishap limited the frequency of the new additions and prevented us all from experiencing the full impact of the long-awaited expansion. Our next session will almost certainly be exciting, though.

In this session, the notorious Thieves' Guild made an overdue appearance and the resident extortionists took every opportunity to hone their craft -- some more successfully than others -- while Mem continued his favorite tactic of sacrificing any thought of victory in favor of acting as the spoiler. However, it wasn't until Irv graciously offered admission into the aforementioned guild that Mem really became a threat with which to be reckoned. Sadly, it was already too late to stop Hoser at that point as the munchkins wandered into the un-shuffled cards of the new expansion -- cards that were, unfortunately, sorted by level. Already level 9 by this point, Hoser's Doppelganger enhanced levels were more than a match for the combined piddies of the rest of the crowd and Hoser scored a long-awaited, and league-leading sixth victory.

The cards have already been shuffled in anticipation of our next match, so be certain to stop back next week for more thrilling Munchkin action!

03/16/2004

Good afternoon, Munchkin fans, and welcome to yet another weekly USPN Munchkin wrap-up!

We had a fast and furious match this week, as Irv's patented late-arrival strategy was once again a success.  Gimme jumped out to an early lead, stockpiling an impressive arsenal at level 2, but his bid for dominance was quashed early when he was confronted with the awesome power of the Floating Nose, Snot Elemental combo - a melee from which he never recovered.  In contrast, Hoser's sub-par luck with the cards continued, as he was unable to mount a credible threat until it was already too late.  Laskra was within striking distance of victory until the Generosity curse and the ill-timed appearance of our own 3,782 Orcs cost him a handful of treasures and nearly a half-dozen levels.  While Punk managed to claw his way to Level 9 for the first time in Munchkin history, Irv's formidable array of weapons and armor gave him the tactical edge at the endgame and Punk's misplayed piddy cemented the victory, allowing Irv to regain the coveted Munchkin Lord title for another week.

That's all for this week from USPN.  Be sure to check back next week for all the gory details!

03/09/2004

Good evening and welcome to another installment of our weekly UF Munchkin coverage!  We had some unexpected technical difficulties with the satellite feed, causing the delay in the report, so let's get right to it.

Once again, the Helm of Peripheral Vision scored MVP honors for the night by keeping Thieves Guild interference to an absolute minimum, but this time Gimme was the lucky recipient, as the magic of the hat prevented Irv from pilfering Gimme's substantial loot.  The damage could have been much worse, however, as Gimme's Kneepads of Allure were quickly annihilated by Punk before they could be put to good use.

The game got off to a late start, apparently neutralizing Irv's time-tested "come-from-behind" strategy, as our reigning champ was unable to bludgeon his opponents into submission through his tactics of extortion, despite his best efforts.  Hoser and Gimme were forced into an uneasy alliance to combat the teamwork of Laskra and Irv, while Punk waited quietly in the wings, and snuck nearly-unnoticed towards the finish line.  Down the final stretch, it could have gone in any direction as everyone except Irv was Level 9 and each contestant tried to calculate the best strategy to survive the dogpile that inevitably results when one makes a grab for the brass ring.  In the end, though, it was Gimme who managed to survive the depleted piddies of his friends and lay claim to the Munchkin Lord title for this week!

Can Gimme win again?  Will Irv regain the title?  Has Hoser's star once again gained ascendence? Will Punk finally earn his first victory?  Or is it Laskra's turn to add another victory to his tally? Check back next week for another installment!

03/02/2004

Good afternoon and welcome to yet another installment of USPN Munchkin coverage! We had a lively match again this week, so let's get to it!

Due to his winning streak, the pre-match warmups included a gentlemen's agreement to get Irv, but the pact was apparently not worth the paper on which it was written, as rampant Munchkinism was, once again, the order of the day. Hoser, Gimme, and Laskra leapt out to an early start due to Irv's late arrival, with each accumulating several treasures and levels, but Irv staged a near-miraculous recovery to claw his way atop the pack. Gimme's clever subterfuge was skillfully derailed by malicious piddies, robbing him of a quick, surgical victory and leaving the field jostling for position at the finish line. Irv's Helm of Peripheral Vision prevented any intervention by the thieves, who were, incidentally, too preoccupied stealing the Kneepads of Allure back and forth from each other to do any significant damage to his run for the win.

A second match was virtually tied up when it was called on account of an early meeting and declared a "no decision" by the panel of judges, thus Irv will retain his unprecedented third consecutive Munchkin Lord title for yet another week!

That's all for today. Check back next week to see if Irv can continue his reign atop the Munchkin leaderboard.

02/24/2004

It's tuesday. Time for another weekly USPN Munchkin wrap up!

It appears the days of the double-header are gone as last night's match was another 3 hour marathon session. As our competitors have gotten more and more familiar with the complex interactions between the various cards, more and more complex strategies have developed, leading to slower, more deliberate play. Piddies are conserved now, - hoarded, actually - in an attempt to maximize their destructive potential, rather than simply being played on a whim. Never was this more evident than last night.

For the better part of the evening, nobody could advance beyond Level 5. Doing so immediately made you a target and there were several occasions where the leader suddenly found himself on the receiving end of multiple curses and finished his turn back at 1st Level. In addition, the Thieves Guild returned to harry the non-thieves, however bitter infighting minimized the harm to the other players. Finally, though, everyone made a sprint for the finish line and, at the end, the match could have gone in anyone's favor.

In fact, it looked like Gimme had things wrapped up when he played Doppelganger to gain what appeared to be an insurmountable 30 level advantage over a Lust Monster, only to watch that lead obliterated by the combined piddies of all the others. Irv picked a fight with the Platycore on his next turn, and, since everyone's piddies had been expended in an orgy of destruction, didn't even need to use his Kneepads of Allure to compel the aid of his compatriots. With his effortless victory, Irv won the day and retains his Munchkin Lord title for the week!

That's all from USPN for this morning. Tune in again next week for more Munchkin action!

02/19/2004

Good afternoon. Here's the wrap up from this week's match!

Another record was broken this week when our relentless combatants were, for the first time in Munchkin competition history, forced to concede a hard-fought match in order to finish before dawn. More than 3 and a half hours after the opening salvo, Hoser chose not to invoke a nasty piddy that would have guaranteed another hour of frenzied play, at the least.

So, in the end, it was Irv, notching his first win by an impressive margin, and, incidentally, finally breaking the hot streak of our own 3782 Orcs who were unable to score a single victory this evening.

02/05/2004

Good morning Munchkin fans, and welcome to a special, Friday morning edition of USPN's coverage of this week's frenzied play.

Despite a late start and a playing field thinned out by other priorities, our competitors still managed to put on a fine performance in a match that threatened to drag on all night. Highlights of note include a record-breaking single combat 6 level increase after Hoser's well-played piddies neutralized Gimme's pair of wandering monsters. As you can imagine, his meteoric rise to the top put him well out of reach of the other contestants and Hoser continued his reign atop the leaderboard.

Round two was a hard-fought contest among our three competitors as the late hour seemed to discourage hoarding of piddies. At the onset, Laskra looked to be the contestant to beat as he quickly stockpiled an impressive arsenal, but a few well-played curses (including the now- trademark Chicken on Your Head) neutralized the finest of his items and stopped his advancement virtually dead. In the end it was Gimme who claimed the title when he chose to go ahead and fight anyway, despite Hoser's Friendly card.

The participant to keep a close eye on, however, is our very own 3,782 Orcs. Despite their merely average strength, these barbaric minions remain undefeated in battle with our contestants, with at least 2 confirmed kills to their credit! Given these impressive statistics, we've awarded 3,782 Orcs our USPN Munchkin Lord of the Week honors! I'm certain Sauron would be proud - if he were still around to see how far they've come.

That's it from the USPN headquarters for now. Hope to see you next week for more thrilling Munchkin action!

01/27/2004

Good morning, and welcome to another exciting Monday Night Munchkin wrap-up here on USPN

Last night's contest brought together all 6 of our intrepid Munchkin warriors in the first of what will hopefully become a long series of cataclysmic struggles. Due to the length and ferocity of the conflict, we'll dispense with the detailed play-by-play and offer just the overall outcome.

For a long while it appeared that nobody was going to be able to advance past 5th level as the contestants turned on any leader like a pack of ravening jackals. Declared thieves Mem, Laskra, and Irv banded together to interfere with any and all combats with their backstabs and pilfering and the piddies flew fast and furious. The card of the night, however, was the rare and powerful Kneepads of Allure, which permitted their owner to guarantee the uncompensated assistance of any other player. Due to its unbalancing potential, this card is currently under review by the dedicated gnomes of the Munchkin Rules Committee. Despite a late arrival and the focused efforts of the Thieves' Guild contingent, Hoser managed to hold off a last minute charge by Irv, who had managed to steal the Kneepads, and score his league-leading 4th Munchkin victory!

Don't forget to tune in next week for more thrilling Munchkin action!

01/19/2004

Good evening and welcome to USPN's wrap-up of this week's Munchkin action!

• Setting the tone for the evening, Hoser and Laskra commit a minor tactical error by joining forces to engage a pack of Level 7 Moon Maidens. Unfortunately, the Maidens render Laskra's magic weapons useless and they were both forced to flee.
• Belying his noob status, Mem effectively buffs Laskra's Level 1 Mall Rat and Laskra is again forced to flee for his life.
• On the next turn, Laskra unwisely picks a fight with a Level 4 Leprechaun and is once again the target of Mem's wrath as a timely curse obliterates Laskra's most powerful magic item, leaving him at the creature's mercy. Fortunately, Hoser offers to save his bacon, and together they defeat the pesky critter.
• Mem is introduced to the wonderful world of gender-swapping on his next turn as he is hit with the Sex Change curse. Karma's a bitch, and now so is Mem. To add insult to injury, his next draw is another curse and Mem is forced to donate the finest of his fancy magic items to his opponents.
• By this time, Gimme has accumulated quite the treasure trove, so drawing the no-help-allowed, Level 8 Gazebo isn't the trauma it usually is. The two levels gained from the victory put Gimme solidly in the lead. Which, in this crowd, is generally a bad place to be.
• Laskra's woes continue as, after helping Hoser with Level 5 Plague rats for a treasure, he draws the complement to his Big Feet curse: Small Hands. Mem, the woman, has no idea what to make of the contradiction.
• While Mem's scorched-earth philosophy has harried the others at every turn, his failed thievery attempts have cost him multiple levels and he remains stranded at Level 1. Faced with the Level 14 Unspeakably Awful Indescribable Horror, he's forced to run. Again.
• In defiance of the well-intentioned caution against causing trouble, Gimme decides to pick a fight with a Level 8 Face Sucker. His slim margin of victory is erased by Hoser's curse, but Gimme steals Laskra's magic helmet to defeat the monster.
• Hoser picks a fight with a Level 1 Lame Goblin and, in an unusual fit of generosity, accepts Mem's unneeded help and gives the elf a freebie level.
• But it's already too late. Gimme draws a L15 tentacle demon, but his magic arsenal gives him nearly double the critter's strength. Even his opponent's curses can't stave off the inevitable and Gimme wins the night's first match.

01/19/2004

It's a special treat tonight, as USPN presents a Monday Night Munchkin Double-Header!

• Round two starts in a similar fashion as Round one ends as Hoser draws a Level 12 Tongue Demon for his first play and is forced to flee.
• Gimme jumps off to an early lead when his Electric Radioactive Acid Potion neutralizes the Level 5 Plague Rats. As a reward, he plays Sandals of Protection which neutralize random curses.
• Hoser's bad luck continues as his second draw is even worse than his first: a Level 13 Snot Elemental. Fleeing ensues.
• Laskra is lucky enough to draw the Pinata card and everyone is the recipient of phat lewt.
• Gimme offers to help Hoser with his Level 4 Horse, but Mem's curse eliminates his promised reward.
• Laskra encounters a Level 2 Mr. Bones and emerges unscathed due to a sudden scarcity of piddies.
• Both stylish and functional, Gimme's magic sandals ward off the third consecutive curse in a row. His opponents begin eyeing said footwear hungrily.
• Hoser loses a hard-earned level to a random curse, but makes it back with a win after he picks a fight with Level 4 Snails on Speed.
• Laskra draws a Level 1 Potted Plant, quite possibly the most innocuous denizen to be found except when enraged as it is by Mem's curse. Laskra steals Gimme's +3 Big rock to regain the lead, but Gimme's Small Hands curse prevents him from using it and Laskra is forced to beat an undignified retreat from the Irate Flora.
• Gimme draws a Level 15 Fungus, and can only defeat the critter with Hoser's timely aid.
• Apparently envious of Gimme's trendy footwear, Hoser tries to eliminate them with a curse, but Gimme opts to surrender his unused Limburger and Anchovy sandwich, instead.
• Laskra draws a Level 7 cockroach. Mem's Lemming Juice makes the critter too powerful for Laskra, but Hoser dives into the fray. Mem helpfully backstabs each of his friends and Gimme invites the roach's Mate to join the melee. For the second time in a single evening, Laskra has contradictory extremities as Mem's Big Feet curse is added to Laskra's pre-existing Small Hands condition. Faced with a possible retreat, Hoser splatters Gimme with a Potion of Transferral and Gimme is forced to engage the critter alone. A narrow retreat ensues.
• Mem's slow crawl towards Level 10 is painfully derailed by the Duck of Doom, costing him two levels.
• Hoser and Laskra team up to destroy a Level 15 Hydrant.
• Mem and Hoser team up to destroy a Level 10 Floating Nose.
• Gimme's supernatural shoes protect him from yet another random curse.
• Laskra encounters a Level 14 Insurance Salesman. Fortunately, it's Friendly and Laskra pockets its phat lewt.
• Gimme draws another curse, but his fantastic footwear again saves the day. That's now 6 curses avoided due to his amazing sandals.
• Hoser sells 1000gp worth of random loot and buys a level, putting him both in the lead, and within striking distance of victory.
• Laskra draws a Level 17 Judge Fred. Gimme offers to help. Laskra's Baby and Shoe Untied cards reduce it's strength to a manageable level, but Hoser and Mem's backstabs tip the balance against Laskra. Gimme is forced to charm the monster in order to escape. Laskra loses out on his level, but Gimme scores some serious treasures.
• Hoser's well-planned strategy encounters a major snag when his Level 2 Gelatinous Octahedron is unexpectedly joined by Mem's Level 10 3782 Orcs and Gimme's Level 11 Undead MT Suit. Unable to convince anyone to help due to his lead, Hoser is forced to run. Unfortunately, he is captured and eaten by the orcs and loses 3 levels to the MT Suit.
• Laskra encounters a Level 11 Shadow Nose and manages to score a hard-fought victory despite backstabs by Gimme and Hoser and a bunch of Pretty Balloons from Mem. This puts him at Level 8!
• Gimme has now accumulated quite the arsenal and, despite being only 5th level, scores an easy victory over a Level 10 Net Troll
• Hoser draws a curse, then uses one of his own to eliminate Laskra's magic sword. Laskra is then forced to run from a Level 15 Frost Giant when nobody is willing to hand him the victory by helping.
• Hoser moves back into position to threaten victory with an easy win over a Level 7 Grassy Gnoll.
• Mem, bringing up the rear, gets a free escape when his Level 18 Bullrog declines to pursue.
• Hoser draws a Level 9 Santa. Despite Gimme's backstab, Hoser defeats the critter.
• Laskra trades in some useless items for another level. He's now Level 9!
• Mem encounters a Level 13 Lust Monster. Without a woman to help protect his virtue, he tries to run, but is caught. Only a timely invisibility potion allows him to escape.
• Gimme's Magnificent magical moccasins deflect curse #7. Is there nothing those shoes can't do?
• Hoser gets a Level 15 Tentacle Demon. Victory is rewarded with a 2 level increase, so Gimme backstabs while Laskra adds a wandering Level 9 Cat Girl. This proves to be too much for Hoser and he retreats.
• Gimme gets a freebie with a Level 1 Drooling Slime. Gimme advances to Level 9, tied with Laskra!
• Laskra commits a possibly-fatal tactical error, neglecting to use his Cleric class' special power to choose to fight the same Drooling Slime that Gimme had just destroyed. Instead, he changes class to wizard and encounters Level 8 Ghoulfiends, whom he has to face without the bonuses provided by his magic items. He's forced to flee, but manages to avoid a devastating 7-level reduction through the judicious use of a Loaded Die.
• Hoser picks a fight with a L6 Pukachu and wins without being contested. Hoser achieves Level 9!
• But it's too little, too late. Laskra draws a curse and is unable to advance, but Gimme's luck holds. He draws a L17 Jabberwock, a minor threat when compared to his magically-augmented 29 levels. Despite the nastiest piddies his friends can produce, Gimme emerges victorious again and will hold Munchkin bragging rights for the week!

01/14/2004

What was planned to be the first 5-player duel was whittled to 4 when Munchkin-virgin Mem failed to make an appearance, but after a too-long layoff, we finally got another Munchkin session under our belts. Despite watching an early lead be obliterated by the vindictive schemes of his alleged friends, Hoser staged a come-from-behind run and captured the win with an easy victory over a pathetic, Level 2 critter. The highlight of the evening, however, was the Battle Royale that occurred when Gimme unwisely opted to pick a fight with a Level 6 Platycore - a fight that should have been a cake-walk, yet turned into carnage worthy of Sauron himself. Laskra added a wandering monster; Hoser buffed both monsters; and Punk unleashed his own minions before being seduced into helping by the irresistible lure of 6 treasures. By the time it was over, though, both were forced to flee from the monsters' wrath and Punk was killed and eaten by a host of 3782 of his own orcs!. Their supply of piddies depleted by the melee, none could prevent Hoser from stomping his final opponent into a fine paste and capturing the Munchkin bragging rights for the week. If you have additional details to add to this synopsis, please fill 'em in. I'll try to keep a more-accurate record for next time.

12/22/2003

Hoser graciously added the 112 additional cards of the Unnatural Axe expansion to our inventory and four Munchkin wannabes battled for supremacy last night. With increased familiarity with the rules, our games have gotten quicker and we managed to complete two rounds. Hoser staged a comeback from an early death to win the first, while Gimme fended off Laskra's pesky thievery and retained enough bonus items to win the second. Current standings are, as always, available to the left.